June 2nd.
If there is anyone actually reading this, you were probably directed by Universal Donor Today is his birthday. To celebrate this, he is going to be spending the entire day in his birthday suit. He will be masturbating fanatically (picture OCD handwashing, but with his weener,) until either his hands cramp, or his genitals become raw, achey and sore. He will probably be doing the all New York Times crossword puzzles that he has piling up amoungst the trash and other detritus that constitutes what he likes to refer to as decoration. When he is done with the NYT puzzles, including the acrosstics, he will then open up the OED (Oxford English Dictionary, concise edition, for the uninitiated,) he will need the magnifying glass, claiming to be researching the hypothesis that excessive genital stimulation via phalangetic motion does not cause blindness. When all this is done, he will attend a screening of "Finding Nemo," with PapaUD and company. Then it will be my birthday. I have to work, they will have cupcakes or something. They will sing to me. I don't really like sweets, but I will smile and choke one down. Later, I will go out with perhaps R. and the Rockstar and whoever else we can drag into our adventure. Buy me a gift. Today is also Dave the bartender's birthday. Happy birthday. He would like to make sweet, sweet love to me. I am not accepting any gifts that involve hoo-hoos in my woo-woo.
Posted 2:29 AM by J.Ro