I know it's been awhile. I am like that "guy you're sorta seeing." You know the one. He always has excuses and plans. Never committing to a Friday night date. Waits hours to call you back, even though he got the message and isn't doing anything. He has a big dick, is gorgeous, smart, funny but doesn't want commitment. Yeah, I am really sensitive, but I don't reveal my feelings. I make grand plans one day, then "feel trapped," the next. Oh wait, reverse the gender and that is me.
     I suck.
     I like what they're thinking.
     I have been working on uploading pictures to Shutterfly for all to see CALIFORNIA ADVENTURE
     I will start you off with highlights from my trip before I get into my freak magneticism all full tilt.
     I saw Fuzzy Squid had a lot of fun. We chased Universal Donor around while he practiced being a Rockstar. As Fuzzy Squid jetted off to Hawaii, I was then drafted into the video production crew.
     I met many lovely people.
     Then off to LA!
     I arrived at House of RaeKool, awaiting me was much love and booze.
     UD's cell phone was stolen.
     I met many lovely people. I will not name the guilty parties, but you know who you are.
     I played an interesting bastardization of Finding Nemo Memory where a sweet innocent child's educational game was corrupted with THIS. I don't think I really need to describe the rules, which is good, because my memory is still a little fogged.
     The second and last leg of my tour was spent with Andrea, J. and her awesome dog Montgomery.
     Andrea took me on the super tour of LA. We did a lot of shopping.
     It was with her that I met the unfunniest person ever. He like a puppy, followed us home from a party.
     He is a comedian.
     I say this, not as a joke, he is a comedian.
     He is about as funny as face cancer. The only laughs were from excruciating discomfort.
     I am fucking hilarious, yet every time I said something, I got blank stares.
      We tried to lose him by going for a late night run to Canter's Deli.
     He joined us. We had now known him for almost a whole half of an hour!
     That was were it started.
     "Do you want to hear a sad story?"
     He then held us emotionally captive for the next three hours, as he told us his entire life story.
     He never really knew his dad. He hated his father and his angry bitterness was evident even to our sloppy drunken asses.
     Then last May he was the one to find his mother, two weeks after she had committed suicide.
     We were now incredibly uncomfortable. We tried to change the subject by talking about anything else.
     "I'M NOT FINISHED YET!" He scolded, as if he were a knuckle-rapping nun.
     Then he started to cry.
     As I patted him on the head, he said "I just need to be held right now."
     He followed us back to Andrea's. It was now 6am (9am J.Rock time.)
     Still thinking he was drunk, he convinced us to let him stay.
     I fell asleep and was woken up not once, but THREE TIMES by him rubbing my back.
     In the morning he asked to take me to the Paul Frank Store. I explained there was a perfectly good Paul Frank store in New York, that I have never been to, that I had no interest in visiting, and that I wasn't 12 and didn't wear monkey pjs.
     Then he asked to make out. Even offering to get me a toothbrush and toothpaste, so I could freshen up.
     Then he offered me his mother's wardrobe.
     I found an article he had written online, which corroborated the unfunniest title. The subject being "9/11 widow really happy husband is dead," written over a year ago.
     Then he tried to contact me on Friendster.
     The next night I met Dr. Giggles AKA, "The Retard from LA Law." He was cool.
Posted 8:36 PM by J.Ro