Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	106
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I know I don't usually fall prey to these. Well once a long long time ago, and it doesn't count. It was under peer pressure and duress.

This made me feel better though, because it in one perfect moment fulfilled my Junior High School fantasy, and because DrunkAdam just asked me if I was going to this booze cruise.

I am too exhausted to do anything right now, much less leave my house. I hear it was a beautiful day!

Actually I am not that bad, Fuzzy Squid. As you know this the enigma that I create; it makes me alluring, saving me from the fate which I have otherwise mapped out.

Obituary January 18th 20**

Ms. Jessie Walsh-Rockemstockem finally succumbed last week to a cocktail of illnesses. Her death has been ruled natural causes, although no acute origin as of yet has been determined due to decomposition. It is presumed Ms. Walsh-Rockemstockem passed away last week, although her body was not found until perhaps a week later by her super. He had been alerted to her passing by the large pile of mail piled outside her door and the distinct odor. Ms. Walsh-Rockemstockem had thoughtfully purchased 28 cow eyeballs for her cats to eat so that they would not eat hers in the event of her passing. Ms. Walsh-Rockemstockem's 28 cats have been taken in by Animal Control and euthanized. Most were suffering from varying degrees of dementia, leprosy, missing multiple limbs and some were rabid.

Her super reports that some items are missing from her apartment after the door was left open to ostensibly "air the stink of death out." These items include but are not limited to her Tele-transportation module, and her time machine. Her collection of 20th century newspapers remained. If found please report to the interdistrict police agency, they should be easily identified as all should still have the same distinct odor which identified the primary situation.

She was known throughout the neighborhood children as "the scary old woman who talks to the signs and sky." and "the woman who only eats pickles, slim-jims and cheese." It is said she was once quite fetching. She is survived by no immediate family.

Posted 7:28 PM by J.Ro           

I HATE YOUR HAPPINESS
The person you are dating is great. They shower you with gifts and appreciate everything you do. They anticipate your every mood and are there to make you happier every day.
Whenever you are in a bad mood puppies and bunnie rabbits appear and you are carried away by fairies to a magical place where chipmunks and kittens dance in front of you and present you with cakes and steaks that have no calories and you shit rainbows.
You have a fantastic job, you're more and more succsessful everyday. You get a promotion or a bonus on a weekly basis. You come in late and they decide to change the work hours to fit your schedule. You expense everything and they pay you extra for slacking and gossiping.
You have a beautiful apartment. It's rent controlled in the coolest neighborhood and the landlord bakes you cookies.
You are fit, young beautiful. People offer to make clothing for you because you are blessed with the perfect body.
You're happy as a pig in shit,
and I hate you for it.
Posted 8:03 PM by J.Ro           

No Takebacks, Make-Ups or Do-Overs
Just apologize and admit that you are wrong.
This is not directed to you.
Posted 6:46 PM by J.Ro