Although, He Did Call Me Stunning

JRock: ...some guy tried to pick me up, claiming he was Dave Eggers, but I knew he was lying the entire time
Fuzzy Squid: HA!
Fuzzy Squid: I'm going to start telling people I'm Dave Eggers.
JRock: But he was psychotically detailed about the whole thing.
Fuzzy Squid: Well, are you sure it wasn't Dave Eggers?
JRock: It didn't look like Dave Eggers.
JRock: I have his phone number, you want to call him?
JRock: He also said he was 31. I think Dave Eggers is at least 33, maybe as old as 35.
JRock: Just call him and ask him "who's this?"
Fuzzy Squid: Well, I mean, if it didn't look like him.
Fuzzy Squid: His picture is everywhere.
Fuzzy Squid: You should be able to tell.
Fuzzy Squid: Plus, doesn't he live in SF?
Fuzzy Squid: He's had that white fro for a while now, right?
JRock: He had a beard, I told him, "you don't look like Dave Eggers, why are you lying?"
JRock: I know it wasn't Dave Eggers, but he was buying all my drinks, and I thought it was funny.
Fuzzy Squid: Yeah see,
Fuzzy Squid: that's where I draw the line,
Fuzzy Squid: I will lie to a woman,
Fuzzy Squid: but I won't buy her drinks
JRock: But I knew he was lying. I had been talking to him for a moment, and then I asked him his name, and he didn't say "Dave," he said "Dave Eggers...."
JRock: It's fucking hilarious, because he wouldn't let it go, even when I said "I know you are not Dave Eggers, but I think it's really funny that you lie like that"
Fuzzy Squid: I wish girls would lie to me.
Fuzzy Squid: instead they tell me all about their boring lives.
JRock: Please call him. It would be really funny since you're in SF.
Fuzzy Squid: what's his number?
JRock: oooh!
JRock: 917XXXXXXX
Fuzzy Squid: Do you like this guy or not?
JRock: I don't care, I just thought it was really funny.
JRock: He may be crazy.
JRock: Well, he is crazy, obviously.
Fuzzy Squid: I left him a message.
JRock: What did it say?
JRock: What did his machine say?
Fuzzy Squid: His voicemail just said his phone number.
Fuzzy Squid: "I'm not sure who I'm calling for, but my name is David, actually, my friends call me Dave."
Fuzzy Squid: "I heard you met my friend Jessie last night, she's the redhead--she told me the story and I thought it was pretty funny."
Fuzzy Squid: "I just wanted to call and let you know why she was pretty sure you aren't who you said you were, bye!"
JRock: You're so awesome.
Fuzzy Squid: He just called me.
Fuzzy Squid: He said I got the wrong number.
Fuzzy Squid: Ha!
Fuzzy Squid: He sounded a bit crazy.
JRock: What? Are you kidding? Did he say who it was?
Fuzzy Squid: Aw, I should've inquired further--no, all he said was that he thinks I got the wrong number, and he asked me who I was looking for and I said, "you know what, I'm not sure who exactly I'm looking for."
JRock: WTF! I have his book. He wrote some poem and signed it Dave Eggers, but I can barely read his writing
Fuzzy Squid: What do you mean you have his book?
JRock: This little leather notebook.
Fuzzy Squid: why do you have crazy pants' notebook?
JRock: Because he was trying to prove he was D.E.
JRock: This is so great, first someone writes me Bukowski poems on Friendster, now someone's impersonating Dave Eggers.
Fuzzy Squid: Are you ever going to call the guy?
JRock: Why?
Fuzzy Squid: To tell him you think his writing is overrated,
Fuzzy Squid: I don't know?
JRock: I already did. I told him I had read his book of short stories and it sucked and I couldn't finish it. I was happy it was a library book so I could return it.
Fuzzy Squid: Ha!
JRock: Well it's not like I had anything to lose, he wouldn't show me his ID, and I knew it wasn't him.
Posted 8:56 PM by J.Ro