Just a suggestion, if you don't want people to know about that time you hired a tranny prostitute, don't get drunk and tell the story every time you meet someone. The smile and glazed eyes as you reminisce on how (s)he worked it, and how it was the best tail you ever had, gives it away.

Dear Throat Cancer Guy,
Please go away. It's not that I support cancer or anything, I am sorry you had throat cancer, but I don't want to see you swabbing your goddamn throat anymore. I am sorry that the hole in your throat stops you from swimming, maybe you can get water wings or get some kind of throat snorkel.

Dear Tang,
I hate you. I gave it a shot, but you suck. Please leave my fridgidator, the weird orange glow kinda scares me.

Dear Pootie-Tang,
I love you, stay the same. You're awesome.

Dear Omen,
Thank you for bringing me such joy with your unnessecarily violent death scenes. If I ever spawn, child of satan or not, I am only going to cut their hair while they are sleeping and tell them the hair cutting fairy did it. Also, if that kid isn't the child of the devil for reals, you've really fucked him up, if he is, well he still is going to be fucked up. I think he may need to see a shrink.
Posted 3:21 PM by J.Ro           

Patridiculous' Birthday Fortunes

(for beer, you know, cause it's better that way.)

"Jessie is hotter than you, even though she’s old now."

"I’ll show you a happy birthday.
Bend over."

"You are in charge of Jessie’s spanking."

"Are you sure you deserve this beer?
(132 calories, fatty)"

"You were obviously a pity invite."

"Even cock teases get birthdays."

"This means Jessie’s parents had sex."

"Jessie wants a unicorn for her birthday.
By unicorn, she means anal."

"No present = no fun touch."

"Jessie is hotter than you, even though she’s drunk now."

"Nice party dress. NOT!"

"Are you sure you deserve that slice of cake?"

"Who invited you?"

"You will not get laid tonight."

"She loves you not."

"Quit flirting with him, slut!"

"It’s her birthday and she’ll drink dish soap if she wants to."
(This one's a long story)

"You dirty! You dirty! You dirty!"

"I saw you do that. You’re dirty."

"Someone here wants to teach you a lesson."



Thanks, Patricialicious!
Posted 12:51 PM by J.Ro